Good men must die, but death can not kill their names

Heaven's gate swung gently open,
The Master softly called, "Come,"

And you, dear one, took the Master's hand,
And your work on earth was done.

We'll never cease to miss you,
And shed many silent tears,

Because we cannot share with you
Our hopes, our joys, our fears.

But one day, in God's garden,
When the Master calls us to come.

You'll be at the gates with open arms
And say to us, "Welcome Home

No more pain
In tears I saw you sinking,
I watched you fade away.
You suffered much in silence,
you fought so hard to stay.
You faced your task with courage.
Your spirit did not bend,
and still you kept on fighting until the very end.
God saw you getting tired.
When a cure was not to be.
So he put his arms around you and whispered "come to me".
So when I saw you sleeping So peaceful, free from pain.
I could not wish you back to suffer that again





MY CHILD

On the day God took you
I thought that I would die
I wondered where the time went?
I asked a lot of whys??
With people all around me
I felt alone inside
From all their words of comfort,
I couldn't seem to hide,
I thought I might be dreaming
That I'd wake and find you here,
I thought "This can't be happening."
As I wiped another tear.
On the day that you were laid to rest
My heart broke yet again,
I wondered if the pain would end,
But mostly, I wondered when??
It's hard to be without you,
At times the days seem long,
Sometimes I just sit crying,
When there's really nothing wrong.
I wish we'd had more time,
Before your life was done.
I hope your resting peacefully,
My precious one



I'm Free

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free!
I'm following the path God laid for me.
I took His hand when I heard him call,
I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day,
To laugh, to love, to work or play.

Tasks left undone, must stay that way,
I found peace at close of day.

If my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joy!
A love shared, a laugh, a kiss,
Ah yes! These things I too will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow,
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I've savoured much
Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief,
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.

Lift up your heart and share with me,
God wanted me now, he set me free

Anonymous

Dear Christ Jesus, your promise is a life line to me. I put my faith, my heart, my life in that promise and find myself relying on it to keep breath flowing into my body. Without your word, your promise, I could not face another day on this earth. 

On December 29, 1967 God sent a gift of  love from his arms to mine. 
I wept with Joy. 
On October 20, 2006, God called my beloved gift back To his arms again.
I wept with sorrow.

2008

For 41 years, we've shared our lives .......together always, Your brother Micheal, your sister Laurie, you and me......... 
This year will be no different, you are here with us, in our hearts, our minds and part of our souls. You are always with us, by God's mercy, we cannot ever lose you and our hearts cannot ever let you go. Our love lives........... as strongly as if you were sitting at our table instead of at the table of God. Love is a gift from God, not to be forgotten, or  cast aside.......... it's eternal. 

Happy New Year my Darling, Your present to me this coming year will be the wonder of all the memories I have. They fill my heart, my mind and my soul. 










what a comfort..........what joy this verse gives to me. To know that Angels are watching over you, and all of us....... 
Evil doesn't stand a chance with the angels watching over us, keeping us safe in their love until they come to escort us home to Jesus.



It has been two years now, since I've seen Scott, heard his voice or held his hand. Two years , twice as long as it took to bring him into the world. How could the time have gone by so fast? 

How could I have continued to live when every day has been a continual heartache? Where did my heart go when it left with him? 

I can't stop wondering where heaven is? Is it a parallel universe? Is it another dimension here on earth, unseen and unheard by mere mortals? 

Does he still hear me talk to him, does he still know how much love we hold for him? Does he see the endless tears that fall from the heartache, the sorrow that holds me captive?  Do I hold him back from moving on when my grief is so intense?  

I need answers to some of the questions that eat at my soul, and there are no answers to be found. Where can I go to satisfy my mind, my heart, my soul? I wait for God to call me home, or to give me the answers I so desperately seek, but he's silent........ not answering my pleas, not hearing my cries for mercy. 

Is this my fault? Have I done something to bring this about? Did I love my son too much? Do I love my other children and my grandchildren too much? Is that a sin? Is there a penalty for giving so much of your heart and soul to your children?  I don't know..... and even the angels are silent when I plead for answers.  

God Help me, because I no longer can help myself. I truly have become a burden to myself....... trapped in grief and unable to see the sun for the shadows. 

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn's rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
of soaring eagles in circled flight.
I am the star that shines at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.

I am not there, I did not die


"They that wait upon the Lord, shall renew their strength.
They shall rise up with Wings as Eagles, They shall run and
and not be Weary, they shall Walk and will not Faint"

ISAIAH 40:31


A Sadly Missed Son

I've come for a little chat, son
I know that you can hear,
whenever things are difficult
I always come back here.

I tidy around and talk to you
and think about the past.
All those precious moments
destined not to last.

I feel your eyes upon me
as I turn to walk away,
and that little chat I've had with you
gets me through another day.



while I share the pain
of my broken heart
know that it is my very own
to my knees it has brought me
when I am sitting here all alone
I don't expect people to know
or even try to understand
just encourage me to talk about it
as often as I possibly can
I ask not to be
judged nor questioned
on how or when
I should talk about these things
just be thankful I am here
to share with you
after I watched my child
grow his own special wings
Thank you to my dear, dear friend 
Lynda
who shared this lovely poem from her heart to mine

"I could have missed the pain...........
But I'd have had to miss the dance......"
from Garth Brooks "The Dance"







The lighthouse has long been a symbol of safety, of guidance and security. Jesus is our lighthouse....... if we stay in the light we can avoid the rocks, the harshness of the storms and through prayer, we will make it safely into port. Our mission now is to follow that light, to fight off temptation, to avoid falling prey to the demons within and to safely tie up our boat on heavens shore.

Our children wait for us there. They'll take us the rest of the way home.

When I come to the end of my journey
And I've traveled my last weary mile,
Just forget if you can, that I ever frowned.
And only remember the smiles.

Forget unkind words I have spoken;
Remember some good I have done.
Forget that I ever had heartaches
Forget that I've stumbled and blundered
And sometimes fell by the way.

Remember I have fought some hard
battles and won, at the close of the day,
Then forget to grieve for my going, for
I would not have you sad for a day,

But in summer just gather some flowers
And remember the place where I lay,
And come in the shade of the evening
When the sun paints the sky in the west.

Stand for a few moments beside me
And remember only my best.

~Author Unknown


I know that JESUS opened his arms to Scott and helped him cross over. His cousin, Mary Ann, who had passed 16 years before Scott, came to meet him several times before he passed and she patiently waited until it was time to take his  hand and lead him home to Jesus. It gives me so much peace of mind to know that he was welcomed by so many loving family members waiting with open arms to embrace him and welcome him home. I believe scott has finally found the "happily ever after" that he longed for.

My son, My son



My child, my child

Everyday, with every breath I say a prayer for you. That you're healthy, happy, that you're with Jesus, that your spirit still lingers and knows that we love you....... everyday, with every breath I take, your name is embedded in my soul, in my heart and on my lips. May you always know, forever and a day, that you are loved so very, very much. That for your mother the world stopped turning the day I lost you.

Nary a day goes by without me calling out to God in heaven and asking him to bless you . I pray for you to find peace, to find comfort and to find health. To say a simple I love you my son, is not even to begin to express the depth of  my love for you. It continues to grow stronger with every passing day and with every passing night.

This is God's promise to the faithful. This is what eternal life will bring to those who love and serve the Lord. I live every day with this in mind. This world is too cruel, too painful for me to live in.... I want to dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

This promise to wipe our tears away, to take away our mourning and our pain is a glorious one.... Our God will take care of us if we have faith.


"Our hope in a better tomorrow is bigger than the pain and sorrow of today!" --Clara Hinton 



I love all of you
And the memories I still can recall.

I am here in Heaven, a beautiful place
I'll send messages that you can't miss
That gentle breeze you feel on your face
Will be me sending a warm, gentle kiss.

So all my loved one's please don't be blue
I'm flying with angel wings.
And until the day I'm again with you
In Heaven my heart sings. 


Jesus is our lighthouse, our beacon in the night, guiding our way across the troubled waters of time. He never fails to be there when we call on him.



Life's Weaving 

My Life is but a weaving
Between my God and me;
I may not choose the colors
He knows what they should be
For He can view the pattern
Upon the upper side,
While I can see it only
On this, the under side.
Sometimes He weaveth sorrow,
Which seemeth strange to me;
But I will trust His judgment
And work on faithfully;
'Tis He who fills the shuttle,
He knows just what is best;
So I shall weave in earnest
And leave with Him the rest.
At last, when life is ended,
With Him I shall abide,
Then I may view the pattern
Upon the upper side;
Then I shall know the reason
Why pain with joy entwined,
Was woven in the fabric
Of life that God designed. 



I Promise
I promise I won't cry forever
But I need to just today.
I promise I will remember
How to live and how to play.

I promise that I'll dry my tears
When the heartache goes away.
I promise that it won't take years
But I need another day.

I promise that I'll live my life
As you would want me to.
I promise when I'm facing strife
I'll face it straight and true.

I promise I will endeavor
To do the best I can each day.
I promise I won't cry forever
But I need to just today. 
Mom



The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside still waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil, my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. 


St. Matthew (Scott Matthew was named for Saint Matthew)



POEM OF LIFE
Life is but a stopping place,
A pause in what's to be,
A resting place along the road,
to sweet eternity.
We all have different journeys,
Different paths along the way,
We all were meant to learn some things,
but never meant to stay...

Our destination is a place,
Far greater than we know.
For some the journey's quicker,
For some the journey's slow.
And when the journey finally ends,
We'll claim a great reward,
And find an everlasting peace,
Together with the lord

- Author unknown



A Mother's Prayer to the Guardian Angels of her Children
I humbly salute you, O you faithful,
heavenly Friends of my children!
I give you heartfelt thanks
for all the love and goodness you show them.
At some future day I shall,
with thanks more worthy than I can now give,
repay your care for them,
and before the whole heavenly court
acknowledge their indebtedness to your guidance and protection.
Continue to watch over them.
Provide for all their needs of body and soul.
Pray, likewise, for me,
for my husband,
and my whole family,
that we may all one day rejoice in your blessed company.
Amen


The Man We Love
It's been so hard since you left,
Our hearts were broke in two.
You're always in our memory
In everything we do.

You are a very special man
To all who love you so.
We miss you so very much
Why did you have to go?

We know you are free from pain
Your soul has been set free.
Save a place in Heaven for us
So together we can be.

We will always miss you
You're forever in our heart.
Someday we'll be together
Never again to be apart.

Until that day remember
We once again will be family.
Enjoying the wonders of Heaven
For all of eternity

This memorial website was created in the memory of our loved one, Scott Matthew Hill who was born in Everett, Washington on December 29, 1967 and passed away in Portland, Oregon on October 20, 2006 at the age of 38. We will remember him forever. 

Scott was a very unique person, very bright, very inquisitive as a child. We called him our little 40 year old midget because he was so curious and could converse with all of us as though he were an adult. He watched the news as a young child and knew who everyone was and would discuss it with you. His uncles use to ask him what he thought of a current issue in the news and he would answer, just as if he were an expert.

He was strong willed, kind and very loving. We all adored him from the moment we knew he was on his way. 

Scott was born on a cold day in December at Providence Hospital in Everett, Washington. He was eager to be born, didn't take long at all and fortunately I had such an easy delivery. He was so beautiful to me. When they laid him on me I sobbed with joy. My doctor said he wished all babies were welcomed with this much love. 

Scott has an older brother, Michael, who was almost eight, and an older sister, Laurie who was almost seven when he was born.  They were so proud of him and from the very first moment they adored him. We had to take turns rocking him because we all wanted to hold him and love him. 

Scott was such a happy baby, he loved people and that love was returned ten fold. 



When Scott was eight months old he started pulling up to the chairs and the sofa and walking around it. One day I reached out my hand to invite him to take a step, he hesitated and then tried. It was a huge undertaking for him so he stopped and just sat down.  When he sat down I heard a little pop or snap and he started to cry. I picked him up and examined him and couldn't see anything wrong but he continued to cry. I called his pediatrician and told him but he wasn't concerned. So, I calmed him down and fed him and he went to sleep.  But, while he was sleeping he was still sobbing. So I bundled him up and took him to the doctor. they xrayed and found he had a fracture.  I was devastated!  they put a cast on my little baby and sent us home (I still have that cast). He healed very fast.........but the fractures were just beginning.

Scott continued to grow, he did have a slight delay in walking because of the fracture.......... but as time went by he had many more fractures. They were always from simple things like falls that would not hurt most children. We could not figure out why. My other two children never had any of those experiences. 

His father (who was in graduate school at the University of Washington) spent a lot of time in the library doing research trying to find out why Scott's bones were so fragile.  We made an appointment at Children's Orthopedic Hospital in Seattle and it was there that we got a diagnosis... Osteogenesis Imperfecta. We were very fortunate that he had the mildest form. Most children who have this disease don't live past three months. But Scott did, but he suffered many fractures in his life time.

When he went through puberty his fractures ceased. By this time lots of research had been done and they now know that there are several "types" of Osteogenesis. Scott, thank God, had the mildest form and once through puberty the fractures pretty much stopped. So, Scott was allowed to grow to a normal height. You could not tell that he had any problem by looking at him, unless he was wearing a cast.

Scott was my "buddy", we were very close for a mother and son. As he grew up he could not participate in sports of any kind.  He was allowed to have a bike because I didn't think we should prevent all things that "might" hurt him. He wanted and needed to have a normal life, and he did.  He rode his bike everywhere and never broke a bone on it. I was so fearful, but I think God was watching out for him.

Hail Mary, full of grace 
The Lord is with thee 
Blessed art thou among women and
Blessed is the fruit of thy womb  
Jesus

Holy Mary 
Mother of God 
Pray for us sinners
Now and at the hour
of our death

Amen

The Blessed Mother

Hail Mary, Full of grace
the Lord is with thee
Blessed art thee among women 
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb
Jesus
Holy Mary, Mother of God 
Pray for us sinners
 now and at the hour of our death
AMEN







THE CORD
We are connected, my child and I,
By an invisible cord Not seen by the eye.
It's not like the cord That connected us til birth.
This cord can't be seen by anyone on earth.
This cord does its work right from the start.
It bonds us together. Attached at the heart.
I know that it's there. Though no one can see
The invisible cord from my child to me. 

The strength of this cord, It's hard to describe,
It can't be destroyed. It can't be denied.
It's stronger than any cord man could create,
It withstands the test, Can hold any weight.
And though you are gone, Though you're not here with me,
The cord is still there, But no one can see.
It pulls at my heart. I am bruised... I am sore.
But this cord is my lifeline as never before.
I am thankful that God connects us this way.
A mother and child. Death can't take it away.
~~ author unknown~~


"Give thanks to the God of heaven. His love endures forever." --Psalm 136:26

When I think of Scott and the years he shared his life with us, I think he truly was a gift from God. God blessed me with a son whose heart was gentle, tender, and filled with love. He loved totally, unconditionally and forever. He had problems,  and those problems only masked, but never destroyed any of the love and tenderness that he held in his heart. 

Scott was much loved, by his wife, his children, his mother, father and his brother and sister. His nieces and nephews loved him very much. He had friends, many, many friends who have called, sent cards and tried to explain to me, how much he meant to them.

How do you ever explain to anyone what another person means to you? How can a mother put into words the love she has for her children? Truly no words exist to explain that love. It's beyond reason... beyond explanation. It just is. 

Turning loose, letting go of that child, no matter the age, rips open the heart of a mother. Leaves her bleeding with pain that never fades, leaves her with tears flowing every day, with every thought, every memory. It's a pain that is not treatable, or consolable. Nothing can fix it, or make it go away. The only treatment for this pain is time. Time teaches us how to live with the anguish, how to make it part of the person we must become if we are to survive, but it doesn't cure it. There is no cure.

The only hope, the strongest desire is to look ahead, to the day when God will call you home. When you pass over to that blessed place that God has provided, when that moment comes and you hear the voice of your child calling to you, with love, "Over here mom, I'm over here".

Then, the pain will end and the joy of reunion will begin.  

When When you lose a parent, you lose your past.
When you lose a spouse, you lose your present.
When you lose a child, you lose your future.

A child that loses a parent is an orphan.
A man who loses his wife is a widower.
A woman who loses her husband is a widow.
There is no name for a parent that loses a child,
for there is no word to describe this pain.

I could have missed the pain.................... 
But I'd have had to miss the dance.............
Garth Brooks "The Dance"

 Having Scott for a son for 38 years, almost 39, makes the pain.........even though it's agony, all worthwhile. I held an angel in my arms and raised him from a little child to a grown man. I still have absolute faith in him and know his love is with all of us always and forever.

















Until God calls me home, I'll share my life with you on these pages. I'll write to you each day, talk to you each day, and pray for you each day. Our communication will continue as long as there is breath in my body. Never forget my son, you have a mother who has loved you forever and that love grows stronger and more ever lasting with every day that passes.

I appreciate your visit to share a memory, to light a candle, or to pay tribute to Scott. Scott may be gone from this earth, but he will live forever in the hearts of his family and his friends. 
Scott is my third child and the "baby" of our family. He is loved very much and the grief we feel today is just the beginning of a pain, a sorrow, that will last beyond time itself.

"There is a sacredness in Tears.They are not the mark of Weakness,But of Power.They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.They are messengers of overwhelming grief......and unspeakable Love." 
washington irving 

Till Healing Comes" 

My heart is closing deep inside
from all the pain I feel;
while others are so full of joy
my hurt feels very real

I want to find a bit of light
but part of me feels dead,
and though I see the joy around
my soul is sad instead.

It's hard to enter deeply in
when you're no longer here.
It's like the lights have all gone out
and won't be lighting up this year.

And so this season I must be
just how it is I am.

So that soon my heart can heal
I'll do the best I can.

The only thing that I can do
is to stay present in the now,
to feel my grieving pain
and trust I'll heal somehow.

As this season gently comes
and as my heart is torn in two.
I'll open just a little bit
as I'm deeply missing you.

I'll trust the gift of life that's here
and trust that I'm ok,
and be with how it is right now

..till healing comes my way
by Bev Swanson





scott's Graduation picture 17 years old

We will never stop loving our children. A thoughtful, gentle man named William Penn once wrote, "Those who love beyond the world cannot be separated by it. Death cannot kill that which does not die." We loved our children yesterday, we love them today, and we will love them tomorrow. There is neither force nor foe that can ever remove the love we have for our children. They live within us and beyond this world, now and forever. This is not the way we wanted our lives or their lives to be because our children belong, not to the ages, but to us. In the end, sadly, they are not ours to keep. They will always be ours to remember, to honor, and to love.

We hurt so much because we love so much. It is our curse to live with the reality of death's details. It is our Blessing to be given a glimpse of the infinite possibilities of perpetual Love. It is not a fair trade. Neither is this a bargain we sought to make. The Children that died too soon have broken our hearts while giving us the great gift of enlightenment. Where do we exchange that unwanted present for one minute with them when no refund line exists. We reach out to strangers, to family or friends to help us remember, to help us hope all is not lost. It helps. It is not a cure. This pitiful plight is not a wound that time heals.

Death cannot kill that which does not die.Our Children would no more leave us than we would stop loving them. Those that Love beyond the world cannot be separated by it.No one, no thing, not now, not ever, can take away our love for our children. Our love defies death and taunts time while embracing and displaying its eternal nature. Sometimes Love travels an earthly path filled with tears and cheers inspired by the life of a child measured in moments or years. Our children live forever in the glorious, unending infinite light of our love, as we in theirs. That is our blessing. That is their gift and maybe they are waiting to see if we like it. Perhaps a cheer joined to the tear is what they need to hear.
unknown

Nobody told me
for
Scott Matthew Hill
December 29, 1957 - October 20, 2006
Nobody told me that pain could cut so deep
That nights and days would be a blur
and keep me from my sleep

Nobody warned me when I held you close
That time was passing by
That you would someday leave me
And I’d be left to cry

Nobody told me that life could bring such sorrow
That days & years would swiftly pass
and there’d be no more tomorrows

Nobody told me that soon the hands of time
Would steal away my precious son
Leaving memories and sadness and
Broken hearts behind

Nobody said my heart would break
And life would become so bleak
And that I would wander a lonely path
And pray God my soul to take

Nobody said I’d be left to grieve
For all the love I’d known
For all the joys and all the smiles
Your boyhood years had shown

Nobody told me way back then
That my heart would someday break

Now I ask myself would I do it all again
those chances would I still take

Yes, Scott - my son, Oh yes I would
I’d joyfully live that life again
I’d treasure every minute, every day with you
And I’d face it all again

Rest is not a word now
and peace has long since gone
joy can hardly be remembered
and I feel so all alone

Scott, my son, my precious son
Who I lived for everyday
Has left this earth and all of us
And all I can do is pray

How many tears I ask myself
How many can I cry
The tears will flow forever more
until one day, I too shall die
by
Jane Eisele
September 02, 2007 

My SON, MAY THE ANGELS ALWAYS CELEBRATE YOUR BIRTHDAY WITH GREAT JOY. IN MY HEART, THERE WILL BE TREASURED MEMORIES. IN MY EYES, THERE WILL BE TEARS. 
I will miss you forever

They that wait upon the Lord, shall renew their strength.
They shall rise up with Wings as Eagles, They shall run and
and not be Weary, they shall Walk and will not Faint"

ISAIAH 40:31

He Only Took My Hand 
Last night while I was sleeping, my son's voice I did hear
I opened my eyes and looked in his room
But Scott just wasn't there
He said:
"Mom you've got to listen,you've got to understand
God didn't take me from you, he only took my hand

When I called out in pain that night, he instantly reached down, took my hand and pulled me gently to his side,
lifted me up and saved me from all the misery and pain inside.
My body hurt so badly, I could never be the same

My search is really over now
I've found happiness within, all the answers to my empty
dreams and all that might have been

I love and miss you so very much, and I'll always be near by
My body's gone forever
But my spirit will never die

So you must go on now and live one day at a time
Until we meet again
Just understand:
God didn't take me from you, he only took my hand!!!!